Worthless

Its always better to hear the truth even though it hurts.

I've managed to talk to her for the last time on the phone this time because deep inside me i was violently torn into pieces.

I've spit the question because i think its better to deal with the problem than to drag it. I've asked her whether she has intention to rebuild the relationship and if she has any feelings for me. Answered no intention and no feelings. Knowing the truth i can't stop by let the tears fall after all its what tears are for.

She even put the blame on me that she considered coming back to me which i didn't accept. Not wanting to quarrel with someone whom treated me as an item I've hang up because she was busy talking to other party during the phone conversation.

Even though its expected because I am probably guy number infinite which ended up in a relationship with false hope. I do feel sad, partly for the effort i put in and also knowing the fact that I've been believing something that was made up.

As per previous post, the things wrote and given to me was merely a lie. Imagine for 3 years living a life like Truman show which was like a scripted drama only to see me acting like a monkey in the cage.

From this moment, not only I've learn that human could be easily changed into a total diff manner, I've even learned that churches help build evil personality. I've seen clearly that attending church makes people turn into hypocrites. They become worst sinners. Maybe God doesn't really exist after all. Its like after this relationship my faith for God was brought to a challenge.

I'm going to find my self worth again. I've learned that loving doesn't help the world become a better place. It must be through violent ways. When no life is sacrificed or no innocent is harmed no one gives a damn about peace. It is when shit happened they start thinking about praying and start loving. They never start loving from the 1st place. All the sins you name it, greed,lust etc. is part of human. They will cease any opportunity to sin.

I've been through it, do not ever forgive and provide anyone a second chance to repent or to change because in the end no one remembers your deeds. By giving them second chance is giving them another opportunity to harm you and yes hear me, they will. By giving them second chance doesn't grant you second chance when you asked for forgiveness from them.

It wasn't your fault after all, it was mine for believing every word u said.

Love all, trust a few.
- William Shakespeare

people ask me why it's so hard to trust people,
and i ask them why is it so hard to keep a promise.

Trust involves all your thoughts and emotions to be given to someone so they can have. Trusting someone is knowing that you can be hurt so bad that none can even know. This is why trust is a word of great power. I wish I could say something that would make you trust me, but if you give me time I can prove it to you... Because if I had a second chance, I would never need a third.

In the end is the lesson learned Never trust someone who lies to you.Never lie to someone who trusts you. its hard to trust people when anyone you ever opened your heart lets you down. Cause in the end, the people that you trust the most are the ones who are bound to break your heart.

Being able to survive these years aren't easy. People think we were great couples tolerating each other but deep inside is like this one way street. Even though I'm walking in this one way street i did not once backed out. I only continue to know that it was a dead end because someone had build a wall and sealed the road.

It is officially a month after she called for the break up when i was almost dead. She probably hope that I'm dead but unfortunately God wants me to continue this miserable life of mine. Its really a sad situation to see the whole society turning into city like sodom. I wish the day would come earlier and wipe out everyone and God should recreate all things.

I've been through 2 relationships both girls cheated, both are equally good at lying. I don't blame them because i think its how you were brought up and its how strong your mind that determines whether your a good person. A person that could end a relationship or during a relationship go for another opportunity (Affair) is definitely someone with weak mind or craving for lust.

They have their right to choose what life to live but they definitely should not rob hopes from others. Well promises are never to be fulfilled. Some people make promises for the pleasure of breaking them.

Let all things past and look forward. It might also be better to stop all religion after all they never practice what they preach. A good person is always mistaken to be the bad and the bad always looks as if they were good people.

It takes a strong person to say sorry, and an ever stronger person to forgive.
I've done both. Told you its never you and me, its always about you.

Dear God,

Forgive my sins dear God for i am going to take a break from all things including believing in you dear God. I would like to ask for forgiveness and may you bless the person whom hurt me most too as she once brought me hope and happiness. Let her become a better person so that there are less victims. Let the people whom do not practice what they preach under your name to faced justice. Let me love the people around me and not hate them even though they treated me badly.

Bless my family with health and enough wealth to live the next day. Let our wealth be used for your work. Let them understand the situation of my relationship and not questioned me.

I am going to sin and i know it for i am a sinner since i was born. Please look after me and please find me if i am going to get lost in these times.

In Jesus name i pray, Amen